Reflecting over the last five months literally blows my mind. December 13, 2012 was a day that changed my life. It was the day my perspective of life and death danced around in my head and lingered... Hearing the type of breast cancer I had was curable and I would live brought me relief. But I would be lying if I said the thought of death hadn't crossed my mind at least once a day.
I want to be real for a minute ...
My relationship with Jesus has always been there... but I don't think it has ever been as deep and as real as it is right now. I think it's safe to say we all have these moments of doubt, anger, discouragement, despair, and "are you really there, God?" I feel like these moments happen to every single one of us. I used to be afraid to show any emotion. I used to be afraid to tell God how angry I was with him. I don't know why, he already knew. The best way that I can describe this, and I know I've said this before but I want to say it again... I am thankful for this life moment, for this journey in my life... this has drastically changed me as a person... and it has forever changed my relationship with the Lord. I have believed with my heart, that God is healing me and will continue to do so... So in essence, I guess I'm thanking God for this cancer, for the chemo treatments, for the real talks that have happened between my husband and I. But, the best part is the fast healing that has taken place over my body, the financial provision and love from our co-workers, family members and complete strangers - all given to us by God. Psalm 91:11 "He will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways." He has done this for me.
A few things that God has done for us....
When we first were told about my diagnoses, of course the financial burden was already weighing us down. We prayed together and believed that God was going to carry us through. During that week we received a check that was the exact amount of what my paycheck would have been... that happened three other times. Not to mention the website my sister set up and the pouring in of financial support has been surreal. Within two treatments the tumor had shrunk 1.5 cm. My doctor said we would notice a change around the 3rd or 4th treatment. As of today I can't tell if it's tissue or what- but it now feels almost pea size! Another huge thing that God did for us was an anonymous family paid for Olivia's daycare from January until the end of May. Not having my paycheck to cover the daycare expense I was facing reality that she would need to stay home with me and I was going to have to rely on friends to help me when I was feeling at my worst. Olivia attends an amazing child care facility (Promise Child in Waxahachie) with teachers who genuinely care about her, she can name all the tiny human friends in her class and with that we can rest in ease knowing she is well taken care of... These are just a few of the mighty things that God has done in our lives.
When we first were told about my diagnoses, of course the financial burden was already weighing us down. We prayed together and believed that God was going to carry us through. During that week we received a check that was the exact amount of what my paycheck would have been... that happened three other times. Not to mention the website my sister set up and the pouring in of financial support has been surreal. Within two treatments the tumor had shrunk 1.5 cm. My doctor said we would notice a change around the 3rd or 4th treatment. As of today I can't tell if it's tissue or what- but it now feels almost pea size! Another huge thing that God did for us was an anonymous family paid for Olivia's daycare from January until the end of May. Not having my paycheck to cover the daycare expense I was facing reality that she would need to stay home with me and I was going to have to rely on friends to help me when I was feeling at my worst. Olivia attends an amazing child care facility (Promise Child in Waxahachie) with teachers who genuinely care about her, she can name all the tiny human friends in her class and with that we can rest in ease knowing she is well taken care of... These are just a few of the mighty things that God has done in our lives.
My cancer is not punitive. And I don't feel this is a punishment. He watched it happen and has been watching over us through this entire journey. I now have a really cool testimony... a big testimony of God's love, provision, and healing.
Thank you for being apart of this milestone in my life ... my last day of chemo! Stay tuned for pictures... this is going to be a fantastic day!
Thank you for being apart of this milestone in my life ... my last day of chemo! Stay tuned for pictures... this is going to be a fantastic day!
God is so good!! Thank you for sharing this!! :)
ReplyDeleteLindsey, it is so good to hear this news! Praise God chemo is done! I love the way God uses our trials to draw us closer to Him. I know you are feeling His love in a big way, and I get what you say about being thankful for cancer. You are awesome, sister, and I can't wait to see you at church so I can hug you!
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