searching for peace.

It didn't take me long to learn there is no easy way to break the news of cancer. I tried rehearsing different approaches, but it always ended up the same: "I have cancer."
This last week I've been taking comfort in every single phone call, text, email, and encouraging note.
Family members, close friends, and mere acquaintances all shared one reaction: shock.
No matter how hard they tried to hide it, I always saw a look of horror flash across their faces or could sense it on the phone; sniffles following silence.

This week I've been searching for peace. Peace to comfort my agonizing stomach as it aches at night, peace to comfort my thoughts as I think "what if I don't make it?" Peace to help me understand, why me? 

Well, it's Saturday and I still haven't figured that out. But...we did recieve some great news yesterday from my doctor... although the cancer did spread to my lymph nodes, all other tests were clear of cancer! Which means, it hasn't spread into my blood stream or bones anywhere else in my body.
The blood test that shows if I have the BRCA gene was negative! Which means, god-willing I can add a sibling for Olivia someday. And one more thing, the type of cancer I have is ER Positive/HER2 Negative which, I have no idea what exactly that means but from the reaction of my doctor is excellent news! Before she hung up the phone she said to me, "I hope you have a merry Christmas and remember, Lindsey, God is good. He is good!"

Once again God has proved His faithfulness and answered our prayers ... I think I just found my peace!

   

...

I have realized that me finding out I have breast cancer not only affects me, but it affects every single person I know. When one person gets cancer, the whole family gets cancer. I thank the Lord daily for my family, friends and church who are standing by me, reminding me daily they are interceding on my behalf. My sister, Becky, created a website for people to support us financially if they feel led and I am humbled by the response of support that has poured in within the last few days.

Hearing the diagnosis of breast cancer may have blindsided me but it didn't take God by surprise. He saw it coming, and He promises to be my shelter and strength. Bottom line.
My hope is in the Lord.

Isaiah 40:31 Those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.

So... for those inquiring minds here are the details thus far...
-Monday I had a biopsy of my lymph nodes to make sure the cancer hasn't spread. We will get those results back this week. I also had to take a blood test to see if the BRCA gene is in my body. If that gene is found than all that means is the chances of me getting ovarian cancer or for my breast cancer to return is pretty high. I'm not worried about all of that... I'm putting my trust in the Lord.
-Thursday and Friday I have a few CT scans, MRI and a full body bone scan. No biggie... I got this. :)

I truly appreciate the support from every friend, co-worker, family member and people who I haven't had the pleasure of meeting.
All the doctors and nurses that I have encountered have been exceptionally sensitive and loving toward me. All I can say is that God is blessing us and comforting us as we call out to Him.

take my breath away.

I am not a writer nor am I a blogger... I wish I had the finesse to write out my thoughts and feelings for the world...so for now bare with me as I share my journey with you.

December 13, 2012 around 4pm I heard the most devastating news that I was not prepared to hear.
Dr. Brady looked at me with sad eyes and said, “It doesn’t look good. I’m sorry, but you have breast cancer." – Invasive Ductal Carcinoma. – The emotion that took over my body was unbelievable. I couldn’t breath. I felt trapped and the thing that kept going through my mind was Olivia. I need to raise my daughter; I am not finished yet…

I am 28 years old.

I am a wife, a mom, a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a granddaughter, a cousin, a niece, a friend and a coworker. Never in a million years did I think that I’d be adding breast cancer survivor to my list of titles…but I’m proud to add that because that’s what I’ll be… a survivor.

In October I found a lump in my breast. No, I don’t do self-breast exams and I never thought about it before. But I felt a nudge to do so and I did it. I’d like to think that was the Holy Spirit… or maybe it was the show Parenthood that made me more aware. I like to think it was truly the Holy Spirit. :) After I had found the lump I didn't think twice. I left on a quick trip to see my Dad in Seattle came back and forgot about it. I was busy with life. It didn’t dawn on me that something was wrong until it started to hurt. It felt like a stabbing pain going through my chest. I went to my doctor on 12/5 and she felt it. She felt another area of my breast that seemed odd and scheduled me a sonogram/mammogram the following week. Both showed the small tumor and white dots (calcifications) on either side of my breast. On 12/12 I had two different biopsies done and on 12/13 I was given the results. Bam, bam, bam.

I am hopeful. I am a child of God. I know that God didn’t cause this. God doesn’t cause evil… that my friend is the devil. And to quote someone very dear to me, “the devil is just messing with the wrong family.” True dat.

These are a few scriptures that are taped to my mirror and written on my heart…

- Psalms 112:7-8

He will have no fear of bad news; his heart his steadfast, trusting in the Lord. His heart is secure, he will have no fear; in the end he will look in triumph of his foes.

- Isaiah 41:10

Fear not, for I am with you; be not dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, yes, I will help you, I will uphold you with my righteous right hand. 

- James 1:2

Consider it pure joy, my brothers, whenever you face trials of many kinds.

                         

I have a community of people that are prayer warriors and are dedicating their time to pray with me. My bible study girls are praying around the clock and have been so, so encouraging. I have best friends that have already stepped up more than I could ever repay them. I have family; a big loving, dedicated family that will fight with me. I know that in a year this will be a distant memory, a testimony, and a story that I will have to share with the world. 

This is my journey. This is my fight.