the first treatment...

I woke up Christmas morning full of anticipation to watch Olivia open up her presents.  As she stumbled out into the living room, she spotted her cheesy little baby doll in a tiny stroller. Her eyes got big! She ran over to it and smiled and just held on... that turned out to be her favorite toy. (Who knew!)  We prompted her to open up her other presents, she did, with one free hand. I looked to see what she was doing with the other while she sat in Greg's lap. Olivia's arm was to the side and was holding on tight to her new beloved stroller. She had a tight grip on that thing, she didn't want to let go. She was determined to hold on the entire morning, and she did.

I started chemo on January 3rd. The worst part about it was walking in the room and being told to 'pick your chair.' I looked around and only three chairs were empty. Other ladies who were sleeping, staring or giving me a faint smile sat there in a semi circle listening to some old sitcom on the television. It was extremely depressing. It was hard. I could see the sad eyes on the young nurse as I sat down. I smiled at her to let her know I was okay and that she needed to be also.
I didn't feel sick during the process, but that evening I started feeling the side effects. I have a port that was surgically put in that morning. It was placed on the right side of my chest, just below my collar bone. It's convenient in a way that I don't have to have my veins destroyed, but uncomfortable because I can feel it when I take a deep breath or turn on my right side.

Let's be real for a minute. Chemo sucks. It is not fun. The nausea, dizziness, extreme bone pain, laying down and having my scalp hurt and thinking "will my hair fall out today?" I'm not going to lie and say that I haven't thought or worried about these things numerous times. I'm human and I'm a girl. But, and there's always a but...
I'm choosing to remain positive. Choosing as best I can and understand that according to his Word, all things will work together for good because I love him (Romans 8:28). I have to believe "all things" includes cancer. If I don't accept that I would be saying my diagnosis is beyond God's congrol. And I know that it isnt. I'm holding onto that truth, as tight as Olivia was holding her stroller. I'm going to grip the Word of God and believe that what I'm going through is just part of His plan for my life.

Yesterday afternoon I called for short term disability. As I waited on the phone, listening to annoying reggae elevator music, I prayed that the voice on the other end would be sensitive and understanding. After I told the sweet hispanic lady my diagnoses I could hear sniffles. She was choked up. She said her daughter had just been through this. Her tone of voice and her words were so soft spoken and clear that I felt I knew this lady. She informed that the call could take 8 minutes and asked if I was comfortable and in a place that I could speak freely. It's moments like this that I thank the Lord for his hand in every aspect of my life. Sure, this is simple and probably doesn't mean much to you... but to me it's confirmation for my faith to keep trusting Him.

A few prayer requests:
Thursday's. I will be having chemo every two weeks on Thursday's. The following Friday I have to be in Dallas to get a shot that boosts my white blood count so I can fight off infections. Pray that I don't get car sick, nauseated, dizzy, anxious, and that I won't get any of the side effects the doctors say I might get - bone pain and flu like symptoms.
Strength. I want to be able to play with Olivia within one day of having chemo, not four.
Joy. I can't let a lousy situation like this steal my joy.
Husband. Greg needs strength. He is tired and I can see this wearing on him, especially the financial burden of only one income right now.

When I wrote this blog it was on the 6th day from my first treatment... I'm feeling good. It's now the 8th day and I still feel good. 

Romans 8:28 And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose for them. NLT